Proscenium

Sitting On Top Of The World

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Day 286 – October 13, 2018

Changing or Changeable – Lens-Artists / People at Work – Photo Challenge / #6WordSaturday / Castle – FOWC / Fleek – RDP / Troll – WODC

Just a forewarning: the following post is not the typical Proscenium post. It’s quite a deep exploratory introspect. Some parental guidance may be necessary. Although kids who need parental guidance probably would have stopped reading by now and went trolling on other blog sites. 😛 So here I am, 39,000 feet over Cincinnati, and as fast as the day came when we left PA, sites set on Texas, I am returning home to an empty nest. Have to be honest, it was not easy at all leaving her. Not that I thought it wouldn’t be. It’s one of those things where I haven’t felt connected to her in a couple of years. So you take a road trip across the country and share some awesome experiences, and what was a strained relationship found some glue to bind it back together. We have always had the same sense of humor and would often laugh way before anyone else would get it. If they even ever got it. In fact, that is what most of the trip consisted of. And there were a couple of other “bonds” that we shared that had always been there, just in the recent past, was very much diminished. I think as I drove away, leaving her behind, it started to sink in pretty hardcore. In that moment she transitioned from daddy’s little girl to a young, fleek, independent woman. It actually was hitting me pretty hard yesterday, as I started to process it. It went downhill from there as I struggled to maintain my composure. I think that may be one of the reasons why, what was my initial 1:30 pm departure turned into a 4:30 pm one, did not effect me as it would have done. I honestly used that time to collect my thoughts, journal, and just appreciate the “alone” time. I am in no way looking for sympathy here, but it’s been a rough week. Accepting the reality that the empty house I will be returning to, combined with the milestone birthday “celebrated” this past week, is not easy and took quite the unexpected emotional toll. It’s the fate testing feelings, and the face smacking brunt of reality of how fast time, née life, flies. I mean it is not like it was a surprise, I knew it was coming, but the reality of it all and the second guessing of my parenting skills, created just enough hesitation and doubt. Perhaps I took them for granted. None of my siblings kids left far from home at all. Out of 9 nephews and nieces (all 21 and over) only 1 is more than 45 miles from home. 3 are still at home, and 3 are married with kid(s). I don’t know if those numbers make sense but my point is all 3 of mine are gone, by choice. 2 out of state, and one, who is in college, but is looking for an apartment in Philly to stay in as he finishes his junior and senior years. And after that, his eyes are set on the Pacific Northwest to pursue his Masters. While I am very proud of all of them, I can’t help but wonder what I have done to drive them so far away. And what’s-more (I have to stop using that phrase, I just realized I use it way too much) the willingness to leave the nest heading to places where the really don’t know anyone, none of their friends they grew up with are near them. So the struggle is real. This has to be the longest most personal post written to date. I apologize. I know many of you come for the levity, so this one must be disappointing 😬. Don’t hold it against me. There are so many observations I’ve made and have yet to be made, I feel pretty confident that I can share some very different perspectives and commentary for quite sometime. Hope all had a great Saturday! Stay Safe!

3 of Many returns tomorrow!

17 Replies to “Sitting On Top Of The World”

  1. Love, love, love the airplane photos!❤

    “Give the ones you love wings to fly, roots to come back and reasons to stay.”
    —The Dalai Lama

    On a lighter note –

    “A wise parent humors the desire for independent action, so as to become the friend and advisor when his absolute rule shall cease.”
    —Elizabeth Gaskell

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you VJ. Two of the women I respect so much on here, you and Sue, said the same thing, so I know it can’t be wrong 😊 (please look at the reply because it would have been exactly the same had I read yours first 😬💕) ! I so appreciate this.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’d suggest a different perspective as one who moved far from home. I could not have loved or respected my parents more, but part of what I most thank them for is the independent spirit and sense of adventure they helped me to develop. If your children left the nest you have helped them to become who they are and clearly they want to experience the world beyond their front door. I’d say you did a GREAT job and they will always know safety and love await them as they return over the coming years.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That is a wonderful perspective and so much less ego driven. The ironic thing is, that is exactly what I did too. I just one day up and decided to pack up from my parents in NM and head back to the East Coast. I know it hurt my mom and I’ve often felt guilty but I just realized I had to spread my wings in order to soar. That and what I was born to do would be better pursued out here. They encouraged me to go after that. I was also 25 at the time and knew it was now or never. I guess I always felt like they would go. I mean we live in an isolated area. Not much happening. And ironically they all are in very big cities. I had already seen so much yet they had lived their whole lives here. I can’t blame them. Especially since I miss that life, a lot of times. (After a week in Dallas though, not so much as to want to give this up) I think it is just the reality of it all. I guess. Once I get past the initial part I’ll embrace it. (I hope). If not I’ll just have to relocate to my dream home near the water and entice them back. 😬💕

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so sorry (I’m not sure it that’s the best way to respond?) it’s hard and it’s not what they teach you in “What to Expect When Your Expecting” or in any handbook for raising kids. I guess the sad thing is we have all done it. Except for that small percentage who NEVER leave their parents. But even in the transition to independence it starts to effect you. Thank you so much for taking time to read and comment. It does help to know that people know exactly where you are.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It is very hard and you always think you did everything right. She’s still good and she’s safe but she just wants to live somewhere else. She wants to do what she wants not what I thought she wants lol. I think the big thing is the trust lost and all the lies told. You are right when you say it makes it less hard know others have experienced the same and made it through. You’re welcome and thank you!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m so glad you’ve had such a good week with your daughter, though due to illness I may have missed some of your posts this week, I apologise.

    I felt my heart would break each time one of mine left home . Though with five of them I’ve never had a completely empty nest, even now.
    Some have lived abroad, some in other parts of the country and now all have settled within a three mile radius of ‘home’.

    My youngest came home for Christmas almost two years ago and never left. He is about to leave again, but still within the three mile zone.

    I feel certain yours will be back, they will always need you, no matter how old they become. Keep those rooms welcoming and ready and waiting. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That is so sweet Sue. Thank you. Sorry to hear about your illness. I was wondering where you might have gone. I do hope it’s nothing serious and you are well on the road to being 100%. If not, well stay hydrated and get your rest! 😁

      The heart, it does break little bits at a time. And nothing can prepare you from that kind of break. It’s crazy. Even when I saw my oldest for a day last week and then he stubbornly drove out to Florida. In between the frustration, anger, and fear, another piece broke. And I know the middle boy will be home on breaks and such, especially since he has a car at school, but I guess it’s the inevitabilitiness (new word😬) of it all. But I can now appreciate what my parents went through when I left all those years ago and why it means so much to them when they talk to me. It’s that full circle thing again. But instead of that slightly gloating, snickering “I told you so”, it’s the cold reality of “I was just trying to keep you from making this realization”. I hope that makes sense.

      Great to hear from you. Glad to hear that you are at least feeling better! Don’t push it too fast! 💕

      Like

      1. Everything you say here makes sense and I do understand how you are feeling.
        Thank you for your kind comments towards me, they are appreciated. I am much better thank you, I’m having a catch up day today and tomorrow will attempt to write from my own blog over at Nan’s Farm. Thank you again 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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